My mom often says, "Do whatever you want to; just be the best at it". I feel like I'm failing miserably. There's nothing that I've ever done that could possibly pass off for being the best, or even just simply, good. I'm just another one of millions; no claim to fame, nothing to show for my years in the world, nothing to be proud of, nothing to leave behind.

Mona and Charles and some others seem to think I'm pretty smart. While that certainly bolsters the 'spirit' ( as Mona prefers to call it ), it still is far from the truth. Maybe I'm a little smarter than a fair number of the population, but my rare 'flashes of brilliance' fade fast and are indistinguishable in the ambient illumination from the masses. Nothing makes me stand out if you take a step back and gaze at the hoi polloi.

A jack of all trades and master of none is a pretty apt description of what I am. I've dabbled in so many things, but I can't claim to know anything through and through. It may be because I burn myself out in the beginning by trying to learn all that I can; I read up on everything I can get my hands on, trying to get an overview first and get into the details later. Of course, when the time comes to actually read up on the nitty-gritty’s, I've either moved past the whole thing or I don't have the time/ inclination, having overdone it at the start.

Just for once, I wish I could do something, to prove correct those who believe in me and to shove in the faces of those who don't.


Mona said...

My goodness! all that & at st so young an age!

dont worry, you will have a lot of time to decide upon what to do.
& please do not think you have to prove anything to anyone. You have just to prove yourself to yourself.

I always say the same thing to evrybody. We are not here to fulfill the obligation of others as to what we shoud be.

Do what you would love to do Or love what you are already doing. If you cant do that, then change what you are doing, because then that is not for you. said...

Thank you for your words of support, Mona.

It was just one of those weeks where everything seems to going wrong and you're not quite sure where you're headed. The post helped vent some steam!

Hopefully tomorrow will be the start to a better one :D

Venkster said...

Hey, you're pretty mediocre at being mediocre too :P... said...

@Venkster: That's kinda what the rant was about, see? :D

Charles said...

You can't be so hard on yourself. You're certainly being the best at that. I think Mona has actually already given you the secret. Do what you love or love what you do, I would have told you to do what makes you happy. When you really enjoy what you're doing, you tend to work on it even when you're not, subconsciously. I'd say do what you're happy doing. You'll excel then. If you make the effort to be happy, nobody can be better at that than you. said...

Thanks Charles :)

Like I told Mona, it was a bad week and I was feeling unappreciated. I was wallowing in self-pity there. :D

Charles said...

Well, let it be only this once. We have faith in you. You're pretty obviously not, let me repeat that, not a mediocre person. I think, from what I've seen so far, you hold great promise. One piece of evidence is that you are a thinker. Your post on queues says that loud and clear. You're going to be one of those people that others underestimate, and when push comes to shove, you're going to be the one to pull their butts out of the fire.

Charles said...

Have you ever stopped to think perhaps your specialty may be in being a generalist? A broad overview unencumbered by the details of what can't be done, can make you a heck of an integrator, knowing something is there, and finding the way to connect it is/can be an art. Too specialized and you may not know something is there to connect.

The Red Queen said...

God NGAC! What is WRONG with you?
You're one of the smarter people I know! And so you're dabbly. What is so wrong about being a jack of all trades anyway? Have you heard of such a thing as super-evolved? It's the reason Smilodon died. And the reason why the Golden Lancehead snake is said to be headed on the road to extinction. What is the big deal about being good at things, but not the best? Wouldn't that show you had a more rounded development??
God, you make me so mad sometimes! This whole comment has become a rant. :D You are not MEDIOCRE.
I repeat -
You are not MEDIOCRE.
Have some faith in yourself, nobody can be the best at anything. there's no such thing. AND you can't be good at EVERYthing. You are a dabbler. And a damned good one. You know loads about stuff. You're a super specialised delver into stuff.
And an Ass.