It's been almost 2 months out on my own now. Away from home. Away from family. Away from friends. In a new city. And I miss it all. I miss college so much. The familiarity, the warmth, the safety, the carefree life. Though, come to think of it, I never really did do anything. I've always been the one who says that he can't make it because he has work to do.
Don't get me wrong, I've had a wonderful childhood. My parents made sure I had everything I needed and more and they sacrificed so much for it. I've had exposure to lots of things. I've got opportunities so many others only dream of. I've never been wanting. Things were always given to me even before I knew I wanted them.
But there has always been that pressure to perform. The nagging feeling that if I don't work, I'm not gonna go anywhere. That fun and leisure were things that would be caught up with later. And now it's later. Much later. And there's no catching up. It's all gone. I'm never going to get that much time. Never free from the worries and anxieties of day to day life. It's only going to get worse.
My friends often told me to chill out, relax and enjoy life. But I can't do that. I want to. I want to just sit back and let it all wash over me. But I can't. I'm always tense about losing a chance, missing an opportunity. And in doing that, I've lost the opportunity to live my life.
I have had great times too, though. They've been fewer than they should have been, but that's what makes them so special and wonderful. They stand out. All those times I've spent with the best friends I could have had. The care and love they've shown. And they've made me a much better person. I've learnt so much from them. And I miss it all so much. Where did it all go?
I've now realised that the best things in life are the ones you have to leave behind.